I feel that I am slowly losing myself.
I am but a spec of dust, drifting, in a v a s t expanse of the universe.
It’s nice here, just me and nothingness, but eventually, I have to drift back down, back to reality.
Life is so difficult.
Everyone around me seems so good at living life, they keep going.
I see them come home from a long day at work and they’re tired, exhausted, from their day but that’s ok.
But I don’t know how they do that, how they keep going.
When I go to work I am anxious, I get things wrong, a lot.
I’ve not worked at many places but all have had the same reaction towards me and I know that it is something that I am doing wrong to be getting that reaction.
I no longer have a job because the last place I worked at let me go, I made too many mistakes, towards the end I made at least one mistake every. single. day.
I have a lump in my throat, I feel so stupid.
I’m struggling to get through, but I feel as though I am paleing* in comparison with the rest of the world. and I don’t mind. Maybe it would be better if I just disappeared. like I never even existed anyway. Of course, I am just speaking metaphorically.
I have been turned down from so many jobs, it’s so disheartening. And I haven’t heard from 10 times the jobs that I have applied for.
I think that the main cause of all my troubles is that, I don’t actually know what I want to do with my future. And, I think that my resume makes that clear.
I am just a creative, looking for a creative job.
*I’m not sure what the correct word is for what I am trying to describe here.